Even when I say liason, I'm not meaning underhanded. Rather, it's odd in that at 14 there was this divorce. I went from almost failing out of school, to near the top of the class, top 5, which wasn't good...single-household, retail, and that was my life, completely removed for years from a group that wasn't at all a fan of me. Again, my tendencies were at issue. I attempt reconnection here and there, to you know, see what that entire family unit matter is, only to note of the indicated traps. It was never good, to continue distancing. So you work through undergrad, and it's all this matter or rigor and interest among those with the same connection. It's more of these conversations about research, interests, grad schools, for further research, etc... The graduation comes, admission into gradschool comes, then all of a sudden a group of smiling faces are there to now take an active interests in all of it. It's odd, but okay sure. Much like that graduation dinner, the first kind of thing, held for me, with a lot of odd association. Then, in a complete turn of events, yes, a liaison with the MI6, again, not assuming matters underhanded, coupled with this new disposition for me, of knowing what I want, when that remark, incessant, wouldn't make sense, considering the work I put in, the track record, the GPA's, the Extracurriculars, like I'm the game of grabbing hands, and I'm not supposed to follow what that means. Why not, research interests, and possibilities of further research, etc...or these odd questions, like what do you do? Which of course it's not a matter of victim at that point. My interest hasn't at all been about the mirror, but it seems to be a portrayal at play. Much like grabbing hands, grabbing all they can, like certain plays of pop culture presentation isn't at all something that I hold association with, and I'm out. I'm not associating with that absurd fucking portrayal, especially when one can look at the track record and why my application resulted in admission, but then again, if one is attempting to spin that as well. Let's be clear, single-household, retail, and this mysterious other half, a family unit, no associations, no communications for decades, with the exception of a few, that is sparing over those decades and fucking estranging odd, not to mention strained relations from the shit that happened in those first years. Again my tendencies. So, for me, fuck it, I'll just stay focused on substantiative matters, like nationalism, and real-time tacit knowledge, involving all matters informatics which is an interesting puzzle. Then again moving to New York and that complete same fucking oddity of a chorus now, that's consistent from the very inception of gradschool, of a complete 180 on who I am and the way to orient toward me, no longer of strong academic record and research interests...but what do you do? Know what you want...Hi there, you must be grabbing hands. Your quest entirely superficial...and yet, let's see, divorce at 14, strained relations, schism really as phone records would indicate, especially after yet another odd trap scenario in the early 20s, which I didn't volunteer shit, I was asked to help in a matter that wasn't good at all. I did, and red flags galore I checked the hell out of that crap and kept my distanced until that fine renewed interest in me upon grad school admission, with yet, another set of odd behaviors. I guess a group of superficiality needs to win in that way, much like an in-law needs to figure out if a consulting offer was money laundering. It was. Again, great world, along with personalities in power, helping these people run the intelligence and gun for me, without evern checking the official records and noting of what they were aligning with. So I'm 2 universities, full-time, a lot of extracurriculars, full-time work, honors, and I'm superficial grabbing hands...Fuck you.
Which like that portrayal there can be this new absurd portrayal, like the one striving for their own opportunity, but I'm at that age, where that's obviously not going to be the case. I'm also switching toward an art site, if it doesn't get cancled like pinterest, so yes, I'm reflecting among these fine matters of whirlwind and a certain prestige, more than inclined to take the hitlist notes, never do the research, and attempt to traffic someone with a strong academic record and all with a smile. How lovely. I mean could we not even make an effort on this...no. That has been the answer. It seems my admission to something mean I was more like an invasive species rather than a student there to study, and the word got around about me fast, the complete hit job that kept gunning even post, post-graduate...straight to hell. I mean the sister figure before that absurd underhanded play, of my photo at chik-fil-a the place not even made mention as she asked if I wanted to go with my nieces out to lunch, who this would likely be my second contact with them, face-to-face...all innocent of course. And presto chango, this is their favorite spot...oh hey can I get that photo of you next to a statue of the founder...totally innocent there...after all I made my choice and I have one family. Kind of fucking funny considering we have almost no relations whatsoever, so did that run through the channel of communication, of did one of the faces seem to omit that part as well. I go from respected student, to grabbing hands, overnight, coupled with a lot of peculiar behaviors and it all seems to be in relation to these odd, violent, smiling faces, at such a fucking distance. I guess you've won something. Congrats. I'm simply considering all of these matters. Much like it seemed, yet again, and in strategic fashion a sister figure wants to touch base on my birthday. We have had sparing communications over the decades, and yet, there is this need to touch base with me. It seems so nice. Why? I'm sure we could take all at face value but when you couple that with these oddities...it doesn't add up. To care in that superficial fucking way, along with plays of association that would do damage to my life, and all with that nice-nothing, never a mean bone ever, act.
Again, great world. Great, GREAT, odd, world. I think though, my focus remains consistent, on my process, and let the train wreck have to itself, music, academics, painting, etc..much like arrogance of say...youth can frame deficits by all means...it so very opportunistic to do that in relation to me...like grabbing hands, which it seems all of a sudden upon even the first week of grad school that was what I was to be. Why was that? And the liason relation...I'm sure it was all very innocent. I suppose I should be suffering or disheartened...I supposed should be regretful of you know, being the one derailed among a bid bad, let's tap shoulders of all things officious, all things military intelligence, including getting a neighbor, who killed a whole van of people at a construction site, a tap on the wrist by dialing up a federal judge biker buddy to you know, help him see the light...I mean the matriarch did it...including getting the father figure off of breaking federal law in high-school...the complete opposite personality as me...and I mean, when you are entirely irrational and you need to teach everyone a lesson, including pumping your fist at people on the road, passing them, slamming on the breaks...even going so far as to drag someone out of their car at a stop sign...I mean when you can behave in that way...maybe I'm learing a lesson? Yep. I mean when you have that power...maybe that's why there was this need to embrace upon admission..like cutting a check...for the cost of a college course...on the last year of my undergrad. I mean it could have been good will, or a pat on the back...much like that tag you placed on the front of my car, representing something soo American, and yet, upon further research it wasn't...though great material for little ol' me to be entirely caught up in a violent divide...it seems so nice at the sufrace, the words, the smiles, even that nickname "happy" and yet when one traces the behavior and the strategy that can be had with useful artifacts.
Grabbing hands...yes indeed. You still, to this day, haven't grown up it seems, and when a mom bailed you out of every troublesome scenario you were ever in...and arranged matters for your heroic status...But then again, much like the innocent lunch with the sister figure and that strategic photo...I guess we are all to pretend in the mirror...to be this spineless and this cowardly. Good for you. Have it all, empire of dirt. It's not like we were ever together anyhow. But of course, angel in the mirror, not a bad bone, one cares in such a strategic fucking way, including branding association when there isn't an association.
...and beating up the women in the family at-will...physically beating. And when the matriarch would get you out of trouble for anything...including breaking federal law...when it is plenty of above the law, duck you money under the table....I mean whe that is your prop....winning and in that way....interesting. Have at "IT." Still on my process...
Art on the way! Great, great, world.
