I just think of that time in middle school. The whole area, via the olympics changed so quickly...so it's not even like I'm angry with anyone. Rather it's this international context that meets a southern context, of not a mere dichotomy, but a play of dichotomy sandwich, two sides, a hatred among diversity, of the same minds who enjoy playing the saintly part in the mirror, while running the violent bigoted behavior across the needed divide (struggling) gunning for that calico cat of love, poor dears, of the bleeding hearts among diversity. So, with the rapid change, yes, it's this...matter, where it's without a doubt, considering I did live in Europe, and know how to touch base with the right people, that a certain group holds a particular value system, and will certainly address matters once there is time for everyone to even get their bearings in an area changing fast. For me, I was the lucky winner to be in this transition phase, of which always that ignorant opportunist among the change, ready to serve as a neck that likes to devour the head, when the opportunity presents itself (and as for the cost of that play...but that's another story to play out). Anyhow, again it's this play, this spin of intelligence among southern churches, among the so-called righteous networks, even as the are out of a womb of which they do not create, of the struggle is real as they strive to improve matters in such a violent, fucked up way, of the dichotomy in the mirror with nothing in-between, smiling, loving, caring...fake as hell. Not everyone, rather, those with certain names in their mouths, among certain righteous forums, involving people not in their social circle, not attending their church, not at their house, not their flip phone friend....and yet, their name needs to be in someone else's mouth, which isn't merely gossip. So yes, that spin of intelligence, coupled with the neck attempting to subject that of which is not to be subjected, the head, and their newfound play of opportunities which can all be used to align with this fucked up play branded as south, but again, that brand was brought to you by an elite group that wasn't tied merely to the south, and it's always the calico cat of love caught all up in the controversy (see the Prince video). I mean little money, colonially differentiated as a white body, little money, colonially differentiated as a black body...that violent play can use you all up, especially among a group free to do whatever the like, regardless if it is someone minding their own. They fit the bill for the fucked-up need. That devilish play by the most angelic of personalities...not a bad bone in their body, which for anyone outside of such a play, that nice as ice, which always has the best of intentions for everyone, should immediately seem odd, but it looks so nice in the mirror, just a syrupy love toward the one that is...on the hit, bless their little ol' heart. It's the south, that's just what southerners do? As opposed to people exposed to something a little more cosmopolitan, and likely a little more in-tune to how the world isn't always sweet, so why the act? This is what I mean. It's an adjustment entirely, but yes, I'm back in the area. Remaining, to address this and I get to hang with and support my mom, which is fun for me. We are close. And what happened wasn't okay and there is indeed personalities from this region, enjoying their newfound association, and yet, their value system not at all aligned in terms of actual human regard, which wouldn't entail humanitarian brand to fleece plays of racializing characterization all the way to violent disregard....for the groups candle light vigil before the camera...and of course add in the arrogance of subjecting those you do not subject. Not a good idea loves. There is no luck to be had with that one, if you don't know what that means, you will. I mean, it's not like this kind of behavior isn't going to cross those you do not cross. Just saying. It's not a threatening matter, again, it's about aligning with the value system needed and understood in relation to a layering of written record...that does require rigor to actually trace patterns, and there are many out there who know it in a way like no other...and everyone should be held to a standard of rigor of following enough at least to note of and trace these bad behaviors, but that doesn't exist right now. That's not in play in this area, and it should be, but again, this whole area has experienced rapid change. I can't thumb my nose at these growing pains. My writings aren't intended to be frictional, but rather, helpful overall, which may or may not be useful. Still, I witnessed something. I knew it was entirely off, to experience and witness those of my design stigmatized among righteous avenues, by people who we all held no association with them. Again, that's not innocent gossip, and they were all feeling awfully emboldened by their new cosmopolitan friends, and yet their behavior in relation, not at all aligned, even if among the opportunistic forums they can put on the act for the time being...like it doesn't' catch up? And even upon my return, decades after what happened, and to witness the smiling faces carry on and act out in the same fashion, including those random appearances and a need to converse that fits the bill for spin the intelligence all with that good ol' nice demeanor, even as one is entirely full of shit. Like I said, there is a group, they are well in-tune to these plays, and know, you are not smarter, and no, you will not get away with matters. As matters adust, the mirror play...coupled with behaviors that don't add up..but again, I am at a certain place of work, and you can always you know, do whatever you like to me as I work. I say this, specifically, after the candy apple matter...which I would have assumed it was just an innocent repeat, but the response afterward, the almost manic smile, and that need to get away from me as fast as possible as I began to explain our last interaction months ago, not weeks, not days, but months...didn't seem to fit the needed narrative..and again, to have my name in your mouth, when we haven't hung out socially, we do not work together, we don't attend the same outside organizations...and yet, your group needs my name in your mouth. It's not innocent play. No need to figure out what your concerns are with me...rather throughout written record, those of a particular design, on the margins, among a group that has my name in their mouth. I understand you are the kindes of angels, and here to support every humanitarian cause you can muster, for nice shit of course, but that play, my name, in your mouth, purely violent...oh and well you are just working at the same store, randomly drop by for a conversation, still not working in the same department, not socially hanging out, not among the same outside organizations, but you did drop by, had that needed strategic conversation, and my name is all up in your mouth. Not mere gossip...and that play has a long record of violence associated with it...but as long as you smile and love EVERYTHING....
Again, it catches up. Still, when you are confident you are smarter...just skipped the books and fast-tracked yourself into knowing all, even when you can't actually know what you don't know...but you know. Your network of ignorance empowers you...so why not...just drop by, chat. Go and shop, does he remember...even months out...but one can leave that part out...after all, he didn't remember. Oh, that's what's at issue. Anecdotes, underhanded play, frame the deficit, even if entirely irrational. What does a degree of a particular university even mean, when the witch hunt is openly available to commence for the one of a particular design, and status that makes their stigmatization just fine and "dandy." He can be the child-like "creative" mind that doesn't have to be taken so seriously, despite offical record, and no need to even question the oddity of one not even having even the slightest of opportunities open up professionally, ever. Granted, I've moved on at this point. Still, it is odd, and yet, not one single mind among the bunch even traces that matter back, to question, the very lack of a basis to do that, unless, well, I mean there is the family unit, there is this matter of what seemed obvious to me when I was there, of human trafficking. Which I'm not saying the University name right now, because it is obvious, that's a very bad look, and if we trace the formation, not at all good. Let's see 2 universities full-time, working full-time, both degrees with honors, that's 33 hours I think a semester. One degree was from one of the most competitive policy schools in the country, the other, more like a junior college, not so difficult, but there was work to do. Still, 33 hours with honors. Clearly, I'm a totla fucking idiot who can't remember anything (sarcasm). I guess it was luck that got me through one of the worlds most competitive universities, even as I carried a lot of people in the group work, and I mean, the finance class, the entire class, used my mathematical modeling. I am...surely, since the human trafficking failed, and as a group of industrial fuckwits attempt to cover their asses, a total fucking idiot (again, sarcasm).
Great world! And naturally, I mean I just didn't try hard enough and I'm making excuses, when 2 universities full-time, working full-time, honors, tone of extracurriculars, from high school through college, along with a family who just so happens to love spinning intelligence and I mean, when money under the table isn't an object...what is it sister figure, I made my choice, you have one family bullshit...coupled with I see my nieces for the first time in likely a decade and a half, and that innocent drive to where they just love to eat...and that strategic picture you take...not to mention the oddity of the second visit shortly after, involving a so-called "consulting" firm of which the question was asked directly to me, what I thought it was, and I made clear, the experience described, that consulting firm is a money laundering operation...kind of like being at a record label with an IRS audit, involving what could be criminal activity. Oh and let's not forget the Uni over the pond with H-Dog, wanting to be a bestie, and the liaison between me and the class...father works for MI6. It's not to say anything bad, but you know, intelligence family...cousin living over in Moscow as well.
Again, great, GREAT, fucking world. To be born into this shit. But yes, let's all do pretend and my favorite play these days, elevate at my expense. Good for you. The one who has a record like few would ever have, matters you know did what they did, and here you are, on stage ready to live your best...and what better way to prop yourself up, then play me up for your benefit. Bravo. I'm so happy for you.
And then, there was folk art...which again, in that regard, matters are good. I'm at that age now, where, for those in the mirror, planes are likely landing, and in my case, I'm taking an incline back to at least sea level. Not exactly at a loss, nor am I a victim, and all matters mirror, I'm at that point of complete disregard for...professional-looking liars. Life just has these paths. Some seem so harmonious, others entirely fucked up. Mine, is somewhere in-between. Meaning, I'm hyper creative, which includes techical-logical activities as well, with good marks, btw. So, I can do well in school, then go out and play in a band, or take on a variety of creative endeavors, including programming or art. It's just something that comes with more ease than many, and I'm not saying that to prop myself up. Rather, it is this source of wealth which has been fulfilling, and I'm in-tune to matters of process, so it's not this need to present...which those who knew me as a drummer, and knew me as an academic that had similar backgrounds, to be very clear, would already know, yeah, someone pushing that hard at something, they enjoy the process...it wouldn't be about a desire to be among the mirror, or eat at a table set that was never theres..but like I said there is this family unit, evil as hell, smiling like angels, pretending, and doing what they love to do spin the intelligence, and I mean, when one is you know, on the texas-mexico border, in a position, and women seem to be going missing among plays of trafficking...and of course I'm being forewarned, how vicious the matriarch is, etc, etc...and the friend tied to the MI6, who served as the liaison between me an the class. It doesn't add up. You know, if we talk to people who played in bands with me, or those who competed academically at the same level with similar records. Not many out there...but no one really needs to look into that do they. Especially when the one's with so much fuck you money are trying to hide the fact, from the most powerful group over the pond, that there was a trafficking scheme and they were using them to have that go. Not a very smart thing to do, but such is life. I can be more than happy with what I have, and I am at that age where Art is indeed the focus, and has always been a major focus for me everywhere I go, even if I didn't opt to paint until much later. Let's just say, certain song birds, kindreds of the creative, kept encouraging me to pick up the paint brushes eventually. I have. Seems like I'm at home with it...what a surprise, lol.
