Well...I hope not...but possibly maybe....I do think of Victoria...I observe you eating a cupcake upon our meeting again in seattle...you yelled at me in a dormitory, among liasion...I'm just so...impossible. I understand. I geuinely do. You wanted to shop for kitchenware, and I wanted to go with you. I did, but I didn't have skin between my legs. No one knew...but it didn't matter. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. It's a rock around fire. I just can't go with the mirror. I think that is the intrigue. I love in a way that is difficult. We all know this. When it's so easy to pass the test, I will do it all wrong. I simply say this in relation to purity ring...and also, you know, just noting that I don't want those caught up into a storm to think matters have failed. They haven't. It's not possible. Whe I-dog from Georgia, not of the US but you know...something tied to Europe said, he didn't like me...with V-other-dog from Romania...I loved it. Matters were going to work out in a way that was ironic. It's coming. We are together. Don't doubt it. I miss you all, but of course, there is always work to do. I miss you all, but in the end, we come back to each other, so don't feel lonely in the least.
I love the disdain your father gave me in the dormitory, and yet, I was in a fight with a family unit that doesn't follow. I pulled every single card the matriarch had to offer as the rest aimed for obedience to her. I held every single one of her moves with ease and she knew it. We can play it mirror, mirror, I genuinely don't care. I held her, regardless of what she attempted, and the rest, remained curious, of which considering this impenatrable system that that in many ways remains penetrated, I failed in a way that succeeds like taoism....an embrace of contradiction, an embrace of through the opposite we remain dynamic, to get to the good we go through the bad, the studious, the dumb, the living, the dead, etc...of an interplay that will perplex most. And then it is Alixe and a cupcake. So gentle. Seattle. Someone still living under the shadow of a body culture that isn't at all who she is. She's pure beauty. I know it. Those around her know it. In the mirror doesn't matter, but she was made to belive the mirror is all that matters. It doesn't. Your heart is a swan's love. I've noted of you. Don't fear....even if I hold you to a polemic, the motivation isn't what you would expect...shine...be grace. I genuinely hope you found someone who is loyal to you. If they found you and they left, it would be the tragedy among all tragedies. We can know this together. Fuck everything else. I hope you have the finest of all dishweare in your flat or castle. It doesn't matter. The rock is still spinning and the fire still burning. We didn't start it, but here we are. Hugs. That's what I mean.
And from the look...I think A-Dog's father wanted to strangle me...if he did, it would be most appreciated. It's hard to be loved when you are this kind of design. I appreciate the disdain. It's not a mirror, mirror play...that's refreshing, and yet, I understand how I could set the veins on fire, and yet, there is no confusion, I know who I am, and what I am tied to, even if the family unit is so fucking clever to arrange matters in a way where it is going to blow up in an entire network's face, as this so-called unit manipulates a network they are not to manipulate. It wasn't my decision...rather the father figure that reads the comics unlike his brother seems to be so much smarter than me to make a pact with his daughter to rework son-to-king in a way so the son is trafficked like a bitch, and yet his mom, I picked her cards so surely I have no idea what is going on, even as I attend University of Edinburgh. I mean there is a fight, and I don't back down from a fight. Even as I love Nathan. He should know that, and it would be easy for me to settle down...Though....I can't put myself on a platter that seems normal. I have to fight the good fight, among those arrogant enough to run this game in a way where they can't even fathom the irony that is a dead scene. So there you are, with the husband..."sister"...that you setup on the fake consulting scheme for money laundering plan, per the ass-antics of your father who is on the inside to the outside even if he is dumb as shit, the same asshole who chased you through the woods to beat you up yet again, as you run up the driveway with blood soaked sweats..but you are his...and I am...of course, someone who is to be among your plans and yet again, I picked the matriarch's cards every single fucking time, straight to hatred, and divisively towards the one who will never hold a nickname, and yet, you...the obedient one's are going to teach me a lesson...sure thing! Pretend. I'm okay with it. So...at Edinburgh, and the lesson has arrived, and I go into complete formation. My only regret, still to this day, and that doesn't mean I do not care about anyone else, but still to this day will be Nathan. He didn't deserve what happened. It's not Hollywood romance. Jordan R... can be the witness. I didn't want to hurt someone who did get hurt. I own it. And Alixe can yell at me like the day she did at the dormitory with H-dog. It's okay. I'm vicious, in a way that cares, but sill, vicious and frustrating for the fire hearts. I'll own it.
Hugs, in the hellfire sense. Nothing to pretend. I miss you all, and not within this context of what I need. Fuck what I need. I want you all to have what you need. I can handle my own. Fuck it!
I want to live in the middle of the deep wooded area...and build an adobe village....or live in a van and roll around the states....and Canada...and Mexico if there is time...might have to simply vacation in Mexico...roll around the other two...not really sure...where am I going with this...who knows..It's like in Chicago at the museum of science and industry...it was very industrial....then I entered into a funhouse exhibit with a maze that was trippy as hell. I think of Robert Anton Wilson and Timothy Leary...not inclined to take matters on the page, the television screen, or institutional promotion too seriously...especially when tripping balls. Balls.
