It's 3 strikes...I have 2 strikes to my name. Nathan doesn't even get it... First 2 I resented. I wasn't happy. I was entirely upset, and it had nothing to do with me. I now him in a way that no one else will, though among the mirror paly, sure, they follow him like no one else. I get it. I'm depressed. They hold the keys, while I have to wait it out in hell. I'm to be the trick he is to school, eve if he resides in misery. Again, he doesn't deserve that treatment. He isn't an act, but a genuine connection...When we looked at each other as I left, Union City New Jersey...My heart was in my throat. It remains today. Talk all day...Joke all day. I can't find the energy to care...I get what hell he will recieve, and that's it for me. He never desrved this. He even made the effort to reconnect. I think he thinks, I was walking away but it's the opposite. I'm walking in his direction follwoing the work that has to happen...even if I'm to be upon the cliff of no return....I just wish his friends would communicate...that is in scenarios like this...it's an impossiblity without those understanding the hell in which we live. We can look happy...we can have all of the odds in our favor, and yet, we follow how this world works...It's easy to find luv, it's nice as spice and yet, among the layers, love runs deep andt those of a design where all odds are to be entirely against their very existence, and yet among a momentary lapse, they meet and depart, in a joyous saddness...no one among the we were able to connect wth what we held connection with...can't mange to help swans at a distance to finally hold steady...it's disheartening...like spires, once of a lava flow, now of an obliterating visual...realizing what was meant to hold us together, upon our own greed, serves as the curse of a never to return. We all understand the love we have among our significant other, so why send two swans to hell. Can we not make the effort? Not likely to happen considring...but even among the pretend...at least the odds of near impossiblity still exist. I miss Nathan like no other. I truly do. and considering who I am to be, he will never know. We just go about our lives in the dark, while the "others" pretend...It's sad, even if all is smiling and has what they have been longing for...I know he's in hell. I'm in hell. It's not necessary, but when our design no longer matters...in all superficiality.... smile and pretend. I'll never forget the first time we met...that silver dress of sorts...and the way in which we connected which seems of a physicality but that wasn't it at all despite observations...You had a momentary lapse and so did I but that wasn't us, but among the us, a group will likely not permit such attention. So you hold to your cage, as I do. It's as good as it gets, even if we are among a sadness. Be good Nathan. Simply that. Be good. Despite the odds, and who I am to be to you...I don't care of the staging considering no one else will follow you in the way that I do. It's easier just to go along I get it...It's hard but it's easy...and yet, I am engaging in matters that wouldn't involve the downward spiral for the so-called privileged. It was never your demand, just your hand...it hurts you and it will stop. So keep me at a distant memory if that works...my connection involves something beyond superficial connection...again it's upsetting. Will you make that effort? Who knows, but I hope so...Again, to follow who I was to be with you, and your role, and yet, I knew better in relation to what you longed for...it wasn't fair to you. That's the only thing I was left with as we departed from Union City New Jersey. It wasn't fair to you, including my departure. I'm th owner of such hardship, of which doesn't desire distance from, but rather a proximity and dedication. Knowing this world...it's not to happen...but even as we decay...among the distancing...I remain dedicated. You didn't deserve this. You never did, and you will remain with someone who even as you decide to move on, he, or should it be, she, hasn't lost focus of you, your life, and your hardship. I haven't let go. Know that! To cling does fail...but we are not here to iron fist any and all relationships...It's a singing...a longing...a missing...not to obtain, but rather to hug and note, if our kindred soul prefers to let go, then we can too...love...beyond the mirror play....a meaning among what I say...and desire.
I doubt we will ever encounter...its this world...it was what was meant to me regardless of what makes sense...all can have a mere morsel of what is left with the icing. We see them. Coupled. Together. Dedicated. We remain reluctantly apart and nothing more...we hold to each other even if we are to be apart...we are the joke among those who are to be fortunate... Who said life is fair. Just take the hit and live in hell, despite those without the toll to pay who live it up...it's their world not yours. Bear the burden. Let the one you love spiral into a downward hell, despite protest. It's odd to me. I'm simply not at a loss as to who it is I'm to connect with, but among the society we live in currently, among such smiling faces embracing the mirror play, that isn't to matter for either of us. It could work out, but with so many smiling angels around, it isn't to work...It's not fair to Nathan. That's all I can consider. Let all else have to matters of rest...This is something that despite the ease of an easy option, a mind can't simply embrace the path. Why that is...to hold that connection...certain minds will understand. He always deserved better, even before I crossed his path. He should, upon even the slightest of efforts, follow what that means. It's a long shot, but I hope so! Who said this was easy? To me, to give up...it couldn't be anything other than a regret...to carry on as if our connection is in vain...upon a rock spinning around fire...among a matrix of space....regardless of what happened, to connect with something that holds to you upon standing bond/pond...it's an impossibility and yet even upon walking away, you locked eyes, tears, a heart in the throats...and we carry on as if that is moving on...It's not possible, and yet we act as if it is. That genuinely is our time. We are at a loss like no other in relation to the past century. It's something too far gone to be good. Few options, but hugging it out is better than thinking this is normal...the odds simply for a meet and greet among swans...doubtful, and yet we happened. Reject me...Use me in the way you need to. It's not my need of you that concerns me. I hope you get that, but considering your surroundings, that of course are there to "protect" you with the best of attentions, I grow deeper in a silence....a connection with what you never deserved. I don't have to obtain you to know our connection. Fuck the friendly faces...I'm here, even if I'm to be at a distance. Just be among moments that offer a connection you so desire. Use me however. Just find what I desire for you, genuine happiness, with or without me. Moving right along...lights, camera, action...wait, we can acknowledge this ancient flow, no? I genuinely miss him, and yet, he, among the smiling protectors will never get the memo...#thewayofthesuperficialworld....He'sgone, I'm gone...the END...pretend. #I❤️thiscrazyshit. #wineismyhero
